Love Never Dies.
06/2025
Continuing with the topic of Love, now we're going to turn the conversation towards Romantic Love, which is a subsection of the Universal Love. We believe that when you are in love with someone, you can never stop loving them, you may not like them anymore, but love never dies. And this is huge area of discussion, because this can be interpreted in many ways.
Have you ever been deeply in love with someone but then for whatever reason you had to part ways? Maybe there was hurt that caused the separation, and some of that resentment is still there. Do they keep coming back to mind over and over again, even after many years have passed? And maybe now, after all this time, you are both different people. You may have different life experiences, or have opposing views in religion, or feel strongly opposed to their political views, maybe even your family or circle of friends wouldn't approve of them in relationship with you, maybe because of race, or you feel like you come from different worlds. However, deep down you know you will always love them.
So then what? Are those reasons going to keep you from experiencing a life of love, joy, happiness, passion, excitement, etc.? Isn't love worth fighting for? Do you need other people's approval for you to be with the one you love? Love doesn't always make sense, it doesn't always come easy, it doesn't always fit the norms of society. Romeo & Juliet proved just that. They fought for what they believed in their hearts to be true; that they were meant to be together, in this lifetime or the next. They knew that no matter what, nothing could come between them because their love would never die.
This does not mean that everyone must stay in a committed relationship because love never dies. Beware of those Coaches and spiritual leaders who tell people they must stay in a marriage and do everything possible to make it work because they gave their word, they made that commitment before God, etc. What happens when they are in a toxic or abusive relationship? Or with a narcissist? Or with someone who is dishonest or continuously cheats? Are we supposed to stay in it "because we gave our word"?
Here's the thing, we believe that most of the time people get into a committed relationship while they are still carrying their wounds and scars from their past. We'll call them Caterpillars. So the people they get in relationship with are a perfect match for those wounds, and they are also Caterpillars with their own wounds. For example a Caterpillar who was abused as a child would find a Caterpillar partner who in their relationship would be abusive, manipulative, controlling, etc. That way they continue to recreate the "reality" of their past experiences, and it continues the abusive cycle. A Caterpillar who felt abandoned as a child, would be with someone emotionally unavailable. A Caterpillar who felt rejected by their parents would be with someone who would constantly criticize them. etc.
Those relationships are the best mirror to look into and ask ourselves what is this relationship showing me about myself? From there the healing process can begin (Chrysalis). It is a this point that the partner has a choice: heal and grow together into a couple of Butterflies, each addressing their own wounds. Or stay the way they are because they see nothing wrong. If one partner chooses the latter, it makes no sense to stay in a relationship where one is willing to heal and grow into a Butterfly and the other wants to stay as a Caterpillar.
If one partner does not want to grow, then we believe the relationship is on its way to self-destruction. In these situations, the Butterflies tend to take on the caretaker role and feel obligated to do everything possible to help the Caterpillar. But if the Caterpillar is unwilling to heal and grow, this is only going to wear out the Butterfly and eventually the wings will break off, and the Butterfly will be no more. The purpose of a relationship is for both partners to "win" together, not for one to "win" and the other one to "lose". This is not love, this is selfishness and codependence.
Many people think that if a marriage ends it's a bad thing. The husband of one of our clients cheated on her with her best friend many years ago. He left her for that woman. Once she was able to heal from that betrayal and humiliation, the three of them became good friends. They would hang out together, go to movies, etc. Eventually, she started dating another man, she fell in love much deeper than ever before. And the four of them became best friends and would go on double dates. But it took a lot of work for them to get to that point. And she now sees that ending of the first marriage was the best thing that could happen, because it opened the doors for the relationship she always dreamed of.
Now, if both partners choose to grow and work on their individual wounds, that's where we would say yes, stay together, own your mistakes, apologize, forgive, and be the space for both to evolve. It is possible for two Caterpillars in relationship to go through the Chrysalis at the same time and fly together as two beautiful Butterflies. It's a lot of hard work and emotionally humbling. And what would make this possible is that the love they have for each other hasn't died.
And we want to clarify something, as far as our work to help you heal, this does not necessarily mean we must work with both partners. All we need is you. We will explain this further in a future entry, but we also touched on this when we talked about Context/Content. All that matters is that you want it and that you go for it. And even though Love never dies, we do, so don't wait until it's too late!
So whether you and your partner are going to heal yourselves and the relationship, or there's someone from your past you'd like to reconnect and reignite that flame, we're here for you. If you're ready for Love, the relationship you always dreamed of, the Love of your life, know that if you already experienced it once, it will never die. It is simply waiting for you to say yes, to fight for it, to let go of all the obstacles and to choose Love.
In Ayni,
Ayni Holistic Healing
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