There's Only One Addiction
03/2025
When we hear the word addiction what's the first thing that comes to mind? Alcohol? Drugs? Smoking? We believe that in reality, just about everybody is addicted to something, in one way or another. And we'll explain what we mean by that in this entry. So light your candle and read with us.
We have always said that addiction is actually a way to avoid or escape an experience. It could be to avoid experiencing our own feelings and emotions. Or to escape what we experience as "reality". So someone who does not want to remember a painful situation would numb themselves with whatever substance would do the trick. Or a married person who does not want to be in the "reality" of their home would turn to whatever activities will allow them to escape it. In other words, we believe that people are not addicted to a substance or behavior, the addiction is to avoiding.
And here's the thing, there's a wide variety of ways in which this addiction to avoid can show up: alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, food, coffee, sugar, sex, porn, Church, video games, television, social media, work, exercise, and more! These are the most common ones, but what about being addicted to being in control? Or how about being addicted to being right? Or addicted to getting attention? Or even addicted to being comfortable (staying in their comfort zone)? These are more subtle, but they're still tactics that many people use to avoid something (and for each it's something different).
Being in Control: Avoid experiencing vulnerability, feelings, emotions, joy, passion, spontaneity, relaxation.
Being Right: Avoid experiencing mistakes, embarrassment, humiliation, shame, hurt, defeat, trust, intimacy.
Getting Attention: Avoid experiencing loneliness, your own thoughts, rejection, abandonment, authenticity, connection.
Being Comfortable: Avoid experiencing discomfort, unknown, being seen, growth, excellence, empowerment.
As you can probably tell, many of those things we avoid, can be applied to more than one "tactic". And two or more tactics can show up in the same behavior. For example, someone who is a perfectionist could be addicted to being in control and being right, this person could be avoiding vulnerability, feelings/emotions, mistakes (everything needs to be perfect), otherwise they could feel humiliated or hurt, this could also help them avoid feeling rejected or stepping into the unknown. What this person could be missing out on is intimacy, joy, spontaneity, authentic connection, love. They could seem perfectly happy, and like their life is "perfect", but inside there's a void that no amount of control can fill.
So with this in mind we work with people who want to recover from addiction, by addressing that which they're trying to avoid. Because that's where the healing needs to take place. Once this happens, they will no longer need to avoid it, and the tactic becomes moot.
The reason we emphasize the word want, is because their strong desire to recover is what will keep them committed to their healing. It is a hard and uncomfortable journey, sometimes emotionally painful, but absolutely worth it! Imagine a client who comes to see us because she became an alcoholic after a traumatic event in her life. After many years of "drinking the pain away" she realizes the pain is still there, but her life is falling apart, so she chooses to sober up. What we would do is turn her attention to that which she's been trying to avoid, listening to the pain. The only way out is through. If she doesn't have a strong reason to heal as her anchor, a strong "why", she will run and hide again.
This does not mean reliving her traumatic events. It is actually finding the story, the beliefs that came out of those events, so we can do the processes needed to rewrite the story.
**It is important to mention, however, that in the case of substance abuse, we do require that they have been clean/sober for at least 6 months, because otherwise, if they feel uncomfortable in a session it would be very easy for them to turn back to the "bottle" or tactic, to avoid feeling it. But, if they have been clean for at least 6 months, they have learned how to handle stressful situations and strong emotions without using any substances.**
This does not mean that they need to be in a program like A.A. for at least six months. Those are good programs and they work great. And we have also worked with people who quit on their own, because they saw what their addiction was costing them. One of our clients remembers one night being under the influence and meeting a couple of guys at a bar who asked her if she wanted to party. She said yes, so she went with them to one of the guys' apartment. Suddenly she noticed that she was the only girl in an apartment with 6 guys, they were all doing drugs, and she didn't know any of them! Luckily nothing bad happened to her that night. But she wasn't that lucky on other occasions. It was events like this that were a wake up call for her. That's when she looked at herself and decided that was not like life she wanted to live. And that was her own driving force. She never did any rehab program or anything like that. Of course, looking back, she says a rehab facility probably would have made it easier for her to handle the detox, etc...
And, like she said, it took a series of events to wake her up. When someone is in the middle of addiction, it's very hard to wake up from it. There may be many occasions in which they notice "this is not working for me", but it is hard to stop. So after falling many times, they get to the point where they finally make the decision.
Unfortunately, we live in a society that focuses on the substance abuse as the problem. And they punish those who consume them, and for choosing the addiction over and over. Does this sound like an effective method? Based on results it doesn't seem like it! This TedTalk video from 2015 offers an alternative.
We believe that the reason why most people want to shun and punish those who are "addicts" is because they loudly reflect that part of each of us that is addicted (to avoiding as expressed above). And it is easier to point the finger, judge them, and push them away, instead of looking within and working on our own demons. If we do this, we can embrace them with compassion and help them be a part of a community.
So we know the journey is long and difficult, and we're ready to walk with you with compassion. Yes, you, Rolando. Have you realized what it is that you're addicted to yet? Do you eat uncontrollably in times of stress? Do you reach for sweets several times a day? Do you watch porn (either film or pics) every chance you get? Do you work more hours than your job requires? Do you have sex with multiple partners and sometimes in the same day? Are you known for being always late? All of these could be signs of addiction.
See, it does not matter what tactic you use, we're not here to judge you. All that matters to us is what you're avoiding and how we can help you cross that threshold. If you can find yourself in these lines please book your session ASAP. And if you know someone who can benefit from this, please forward this page to them. And we'll be glad to help you and your loved ones.
In Ayni,
Ayni Holistic Healing
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